Fat Penguins

...just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

But since that joke is usually met with blank stares in real life, I'll just preemptively make a rapid subject change by posting this picture of a giant snail on a table!  Or maybe a regular-sized snail in a tiny, tiny house!

I could never have worked this picture into any other post, and I really wanted to share it.

Now that all the awkward hey-how've-y'beens have been successfully by-passed, we can move on to the real news, which is that I DID IT, YOU GUYS!!  My New Year's Resolution was not to blog for a month and a half and, not to brag or anything, but I totally killed it.  Meanwhile, I turned twenty-two, went whale-watching, bought a car, left home, broke up with my boyfriend, wrote the beginnings of a novella, went on dates with two different guys (TWO! That's a big deal for me), broke down and bought a pair of skinny jeans (which, it turns out, make me look less like a hobbit and more like a normal, proportional human being, so HURRAH), became a Reading Specialist at work, went dancing at least once a week, almost rented two apartments (not at the same time), spent a whole lot of time at the ocean, watched a boy's hand being sliced open with a pair of scissors, AND finished The Hunger Games, which I did not expect to be so good.

Roughly in that order.

I'm exhausted.

As a result of all this turmoil, I've been doing some serious reevaluation of my life, and I've concluded that it's time to find a focus for the new year, since it's almost 1/6 over ("Brush up on fractions" was last year's resolution.  NAILED IT!).  So, I spent my lunch break today coming up with a list of possible mottoes for 2012, as the only one I've heard so far is, "2012: Do Something."  That was from a guy whose "something" turned out to be me.  Once he accomplished that, his new motto was apparently, "2012: Do Nothing; Tell Everyone You're Soul-Searching.  And Definitely Don't Call That Girl You Slept With."

Not that I'm bitter. All those experiences woke me up and eventually led to much introspection and, ultimately, increased self-respect, -acceptance, and -confidence.  I'm better off because of the last month.  But yeah, I'm also bitter.  Like cocoa beans.  And quinine.

Anyway, the list:

-  2012:  The World's Ending Anyway; Don't File Your Taxes!
-  2012:  Tell People What You Really Think of Them!
-  2012:  Eat Everything!
-  2012:  Adopt a Taxidermied Animal!  Do Not Eat It!
-  2012:  Quit Your Job!
-  2012:  Stay at Your Job, But Bitch About It With Renewed Vigor!
-  2012:  Brush Up On Capitalization Rules!
-  2012:  Sometimes You Just Wanna Dance!
-  2012:  Lose Weight, You Worthless Slob!
-  2012:  Set Low Standards; You Won't Be Disappointed!
-  2012:  Whatever Your Troubles, You Can Drink Them Away!
-  2012:  Never Sleep!
-  2012:  Remember How Good the 2D Version Was?!!
-  2012:  Do Someone!  Then Call Them Afterward!
-  2012:  The Year of Revenge!!

Looking back over these, they all sort of go together, don't they.  Similar themes, motifs...if I didn't know any better, I'd take this as a cry for help.  But I do know better.

On the bright side, all of that pent-up frustration and suppressed emotion is just fueling my snark reserves, and I am just about bursting to let it all out.  However, if I keep writing I'll give all the good stuff away, so I'll stop now and leave you with this one, final picture:


Images via Internet Raisins; Atlanta Homes; Baby Gaga.