Isn't it a little depressing to think that someday, these will be the "happy, golden days of yore"? Especially since these photos are really not great.
22.12.11
Here we are. As in olden days.
Isn't it a little depressing to think that someday, these will be the "happy, golden days of yore"? Especially since these photos are really not great.
21.12.11
A Victorian Christmas
Hem, hem. Apparently you can spend Christmas with the Fezziwigs in Pennsylvania.
If I don't post tomorrow, you'll know what happened to me. Send help.
Image via the link above.
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| Welcome to our home! |
If I don't post tomorrow, you'll know what happened to me. Send help.
Image via the link above.
20.12.11
The 5 Worst Christmas Movies
Disclaimer: I don't really care if you agree with this list or not. I only speak the truth.
#5: Jingle All the Way
I cannot tell you how many times I had to suffer through this movie during high school. Actually, that's not true at all--it was four times. But we usually ended up watching it in multiple classes, so who knows how many times I had to watch Arnold Schwarzenegger squabble over a toy. Each time we watched this movie, it added what felt like eighty more years to the week before Christmas break.
#4: Home Alone 2
A lot of my least favorite movies are slapstick. If Baby's Day Out were a Christmas movie, it would be number 1 on this list. Not even cute, baby-face Macaulay Culkin can save this movie.
(Saving grace: When the little blonde girl says to Kevin, "You're what the French call, les incompetents." I like a joke that takes me years to get. It's got staying power.)
#3: Barbie in The Nutcracker
Ahem. So. Bitch is a prima ballerina now? What, being a doctor/vet/teacher/businesswoman/flight attendant/tour guide/nurse/astronaut wasn't enough for her?*
This movie would actually make a pretty fun drinking game. Until that happens, though, it stays on the list.
#2: It's a Wonderful Life
It isn't that this movie is the most depressing piece of film ever made. It's the freakishly high voice that chirps out, "Every time a bell rings, an angel...." No, I - I can't finish. It makes me want to die.
#1: Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
I hate this movie. Not even alcohol could save it.
*Interesting tidbit: Barbie has done all these things, but she's never been a mother (if you disagree, you're thinking of Midge). So I guess she's not such a bad role model, after all. Notice I said mother, not pregnant. You know Ken's the kind of guy who'd raw dog it, and I suspect Barbie's probably a quick hand with a coat hanger.**
**I realize how wrong this is. But I will never apologize!
Images via Amazon.
#5: Jingle All the Way
I cannot tell you how many times I had to suffer through this movie during high school. Actually, that's not true at all--it was four times. But we usually ended up watching it in multiple classes, so who knows how many times I had to watch Arnold Schwarzenegger squabble over a toy. Each time we watched this movie, it added what felt like eighty more years to the week before Christmas break.
#4: Home Alone 2
A lot of my least favorite movies are slapstick. If Baby's Day Out were a Christmas movie, it would be number 1 on this list. Not even cute, baby-face Macaulay Culkin can save this movie.
(Saving grace: When the little blonde girl says to Kevin, "You're what the French call, les incompetents." I like a joke that takes me years to get. It's got staying power.)
#3: Barbie in The Nutcracker
Ahem. So. Bitch is a prima ballerina now? What, being a doctor/vet/teacher/businesswoman/flight attendant/tour guide/nurse/astronaut wasn't enough for her?*
This movie would actually make a pretty fun drinking game. Until that happens, though, it stays on the list.
#2: It's a Wonderful Life
It isn't that this movie is the most depressing piece of film ever made. It's the freakishly high voice that chirps out, "Every time a bell rings, an angel...." No, I - I can't finish. It makes me want to die.
#1: Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
I hate this movie. Not even alcohol could save it.
*Interesting tidbit: Barbie has done all these things, but she's never been a mother (if you disagree, you're thinking of Midge). So I guess she's not such a bad role model, after all. Notice I said mother, not pregnant. You know Ken's the kind of guy who'd raw dog it, and I suspect Barbie's probably a quick hand with a coat hanger.**
**I realize how wrong this is. But I will never apologize!
Images via Amazon.
18.12.11
17.12.11
Snapdragon
Stop everything. Snapdragon is gonna change your whole Christmas season. The Boy and I are playing this at our makeshift Christmas; updates when I get back, with eyebrows intact, I hope.
Image via Code Name Beryllium.
16.12.11
Special Delivery
My posts somehow didn't make it up while I was on my way to Pennsylvania. So here is a post-post, delivered specially on an extra-long sled.
Image via Appletree Days.
15.12.11
14.12.11
13.12.11
St. Lucia's Day
For three hours last night, I was mixing and sculpting saffron buns. I killed the yeast, I burnt the bottoms, and the insides may be slightly gooey (because I do not understand our oven), but we will HAVE SAFFRON BUNS TODAY. Sounds like I've become an Indian fitness guru over the weekend, but I really just want to branch out and provide the kindergarteners with a multi-cultural holiday experience, which they can totally appreciate at five years old (even though I asked on Friday and not one of them celebrates any holidays except Christmas. BECAUSE THIS IS AMURRICA, DAMMIT).
So Monday we cut out snowflakes and learned penguin and polar bear facts, today we are finishing up Kirsten's Surprise and learning about St. Lucia's Day while gobbling the aforementioned saffron buns,* and then later in the week we're doing the typical Kwanzaa-Hanukkah-Christmas trifecta of CHEER.
True story. Some hipster was like, "You probably haven't heard of it, but there are only three saffron threads on every purple crocus. It took me like, five years to grow this much saffron." But by the time he reached Bethlehem, it became clear that everyone already had heard of it. We find him later off-screen, nursing a PBR behind the manger.
*And leaving crumbs EVERYWHERE. Seriously, those kids could be drinking milk from a sippy cup and somehow I'd find crumbs left over.**
**Ah, another vaguely maternal anecdote. It's like I'm compensating for something.
Images via My Little Norway, me.
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| Check out these buns. (These are, clearly, not the ones I baked.) |
So Monday we cut out snowflakes and learned penguin and polar bear facts, today we are finishing up Kirsten's Surprise and learning about St. Lucia's Day while gobbling the aforementioned saffron buns,* and then later in the week we're doing the typical Kwanzaa-Hanukkah-Christmas trifecta of CHEER.
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| Saffron was the fourth gift for Baby Jesus. |
True story. Some hipster was like, "You probably haven't heard of it, but there are only three saffron threads on every purple crocus. It took me like, five years to grow this much saffron." But by the time he reached Bethlehem, it became clear that everyone already had heard of it. We find him later off-screen, nursing a PBR behind the manger.
*And leaving crumbs EVERYWHERE. Seriously, those kids could be drinking milk from a sippy cup and somehow I'd find crumbs left over.**
**Ah, another vaguely maternal anecdote. It's like I'm compensating for something.
Images via My Little Norway, me.
12.12.11
Best Christmas Movies
This week, because I'm equal parts busy and lazy, I'll mostly be posting the best Christmas movies--all of which we'll be watching in class. There will be no snarky commentary about them because there is nothing snarky to say. These movies are what Christmas is really about, even though at several other points this month I may have claimed that Christmas is all about getting presents, making your neighbors jealous, and consuming as much of other people's expensive alcohol as you can. But I lied.
Even though I picked a scene without him in it, Yukon Cornelius is obviously the best part of this movie. Surrsly, what a hottie.
Even though I picked a scene without him in it, Yukon Cornelius is obviously the best part of this movie. Surrsly, what a hottie.
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