#5: Jingle All the Way
I cannot tell you how many times I had to suffer through this movie during high school. Actually, that's not true at all--it was four times. But we usually ended up watching it in multiple classes, so who knows how many times I had to watch Arnold Schwarzenegger squabble over a toy. Each time we watched this movie, it added what felt like eighty more years to the week before Christmas break.
#4: Home Alone 2
A lot of my least favorite movies are slapstick. If Baby's Day Out were a Christmas movie, it would be number 1 on this list. Not even cute, baby-face Macaulay Culkin can save this movie.
(Saving grace: When the little blonde girl says to Kevin, "You're what the French call, les incompetents." I like a joke that takes me years to get. It's got staying power.)
#3: Barbie in The Nutcracker
Ahem. So. Bitch is a prima ballerina now? What, being a doctor/vet/teacher/businesswoman/flight attendant/tour guide/nurse/astronaut wasn't enough for her?*
This movie would actually make a pretty fun drinking game. Until that happens, though, it stays on the list.
#2: It's a Wonderful Life
It isn't that this movie is the most depressing piece of film ever made. It's the freakishly high voice that chirps out, "Every time a bell rings, an angel...." No, I - I can't finish. It makes me want to die.
#1: Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
I hate this movie. Not even alcohol could save it.
*Interesting tidbit: Barbie has done all these things, but she's never been a mother (if you disagree, you're thinking of Midge). So I guess she's not such a bad role model, after all. Notice I said mother, not pregnant. You know Ken's the kind of guy who'd raw dog it, and I suspect Barbie's probably a quick hand with a coat hanger.**
**I realize how wrong this is. But I will never apologize!
Images via Amazon.
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