"And God Bless Us, Every One!"

I don't really need this crutch, but the ladies love a cripple!

I really hated whenever we had to watch A Christmas Carol in school or read the play aloud in class, because the story has been worked to death by the time kids hit junior high.  To be fair, though, I guess secular Christmas stories are pretty limited.  It's either A Christmas Carol or Whoville for public schools.  When I went to Catholic school, our Christmas pageants were grand spectacles dedicated to baby Jesus' emergence from the womb (I always want them to act out the birth scene in nativity plays.  You'd think that the Lord and Savior would just slip quietly out, but I think it would be educational for kids to see the Virgin Mary screaming and grunting in pain.  Various bodily fluids spurting about.  Could be a very effective form of birth control for Catholics).

Miss Anderson's first grade class proudly presents: NATIVITY! The Musical

What I could really get behind, though, is an adaptation in which everything is underplayed and half-assed and totally inappropriate.  It'll be like the Charlie Brown tree of Christmas plays.  Half the show will be dedicated to Fezziwig's party and all the raunchy games they play, the Ghost of Christmas Present will look like he got picked up in a soup kitchen, and Scrooge delivers a slowly deflating, blow-up turkey to the poor Crachits.  I picture Kip Dynamite as Tiny Tim, letting forth those famous last lines in an off-handed lisp:

So, like, God bless us, everyone.

Image via this blog, Bubblegum Diaries.