Dear Ryan Gosling,
Alright, we all get it. You're handsome. But you've had your day. To save your ego from inflating out of control, I think it's time to objectify some other sweet man flesh.
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| Like Bret McKenzie. |
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| Or Donald Glover. |
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| Jorma Taccone and Andy Samberg 2GETHA 4 EVA. |
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| And then there's John Krasinski. Hiding hickeys, no doubt. |
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| Even Dick Van Dyke got some moves. |
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| And, of course, Redfoo, who knows how sexy he is. |
I'm sure you're beginning to see a pattern about the type of guy I like, Ryan. And you...well, you're good-looking and all, but I guess you just don't have enough verve and pizzazz to keep my attention for long. To be honest, you're kind of one-dimensional, hiding your flat persona behind that charming smile and those intense eyes.
....
Okay, fine. One picture. But that's it. And no pictures of you with a dog--that's cheating.
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| Also: beards make you look a little chubby. |
Now. Go get on that multi-talented, funny-guy train. Some people work for their adoration, slacker.
Fond regards,
Tracy Thunderbolt.
Images via Amoeba, Paper Blog, Homorazzi, Screencave, Grigware, Vegas, and Perez Hilton.
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