7 Foxy Dudes Whose Names are Not Ryan.

Dear Ryan Gosling, 

Alright, we all get it.  You're handsome.  But you've had your day.  To save your ego from inflating out of control, I think it's time to objectify some other sweet man flesh.

Like Bret McKenzie.

Or Donald Glover.

Jorma Taccone and Andy Samberg 2GETHA 4 EVA.

And then there's John Krasinski.  Hiding hickeys, no doubt.

Even Dick Van Dyke got some moves.

And, of course, Redfoo, who knows how sexy he is.

I'm sure you're beginning to see a pattern about the type of guy I like, Ryan.  And you...well, you're good-looking and all, but I guess you just don't have enough verve and pizzazz to keep my attention for long.  To be honest, you're kind of one-dimensional, hiding your flat persona behind that charming smile and those intense eyes.


Okay, fine.  One picture.  But that's it.  And no pictures of you with a dog--that's cheating.

Also: beards make you look a little chubby.  No offense meant.

Now.  Go get on that multi-talented, funny-guy train.  Some people work for their adoration, slacker.

Fond regards,
Tracy Thunderbolt.

Images via Amoeba, Paper Blog, Homorazzi, Screencave, Grigware, Vegas, and Perez Hilton.

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