Things I Dislike

Grocery shopping on Saturdays.

I'm gon' steal yo' giant paper towels--then I'mma cut you in the deli section!

Shopping is not one of my favorite things to do in general, but grocery shopping is the absolute worst.  In my dream of dreams, there is a golden hour when there are just enough shoppers to keep the employees from standing around eyeing you with palpable apathy and boredom, making you feel like you alone are the reason they cannot leave and pursue fruitful, exciting lives...but not so many that you find yourself in a five-cart pileup by the canned goods.

Maybe on a Wednesday morning or something.

The last time I went grocery shopping on a Saturday was right before Halloween.  At a Target.  On the same day as a community event at which children were running all over the shopping complex trick-or-treating from store to store.

Which...sure.  I can get behind that.  Dozens of little kids hyped up on sugar, scampering about in busy parking lots.  Like rabbits.

The latest Community Population Control Program, coming to your neighborhood Halloween, 2012.

Anyway.  The store was packed, I was in a bad mood, and I didn't even bother to lower my voice as I complained to a friend on the phone about how crowded it was and how impatient I was for people to MOVE OUT OF THE WAY so I could grab my freaking wheat bread and hot sauce.  Three times there were more than four carts in an aisle, twice I was stuck behind the same ambling couple who somehow didn't leave enough room in the larger main aisle for me to pass them, and I swear I waited six whole minutes for a lady to decide which jelly she wanted.  I almost hunted down a bright orange vest from the sporting aisle and started directing cart traffic.

I am not an ambler.  My ideal trip to the store is as quick and efficient as possible.

Next time, I ride.

 Images via Oops, I Said It, Flickr.