Ah, there it is. That little tickle of excitement in my elbows that jumps up to my nose and then to the cartilage part of my ears, reminding me that eventually I need to snap out of this silly, sad stupor and remember that I CAN DO FLIPPING ANYTHING*!!
You know when you're human, and you like to plan things because for the most part humans don't like uncertainty in their futures? I don't just mean lying in bed trying to decide a plan of attack for lunch tomorrow (Veggie wrap and yogurt. Maybe a milkshake.), but the big things. Why is there suffering in the world? we humans wonder, stroking our beards thoughtfully. Why does a creature as useless as the sea slug exist? Should I include olives on my veggie wrap tomorrow?***
One of the things I do, which may not be universal to all humans, is think that I need to feel sad for a long time about bad things I cause, like cracking nice boys' hearts. I've been stuck in that feeling sad and bad and unglad stage for the last couple days, but the fact is that I left the relationship so that I would be happier. So it's time to get on that, I think.
Plus, at this point I'm getting a little embarrassed about tearing up in front of everyone I meet, including the man who cleans my dorm. I'm pretty sure all he wanted was a breezy "Fine thanks" when he asked how my day was.
But, back to the tickly ear feeling. Now - now that a shiny little circle isn't lurking just in the shadows beyond my left ring finger, now that I don't have to follow where anyone's job takes him, now that I have fewer ties than a four-year-old's shoelaces - I have so much freedom! It's almost suffocating.
And now, Some Things that May Increase Happiness:
1) More uke! (I picked it up today for the first time in months, and it told me it missed me. We had a moment. And then I strummed a very out-of-tune D7-chord.)
2) More sandwiches! (You can NEVER have too many. Unless you are allergic to bread, in which case even one is too many.)
3) More traveling! (Since I have only gone out of the States once, to Mexico, for the best fish tacos I have ever had. But that doesn't really count, because Southern California basically is Mexico--which means the food is GREAT and my four years of high school French are pretty much useless back home.)
4) More Freebird! (Naturally.)
*Except fly. I can't fly.**
**Well, maybe I can. Okay, jury is still out on flying, but all other ventures are a go.
***Alright, that's a bad example, because the answer is WHY, CERTAINLY.